Recently, I've had the unsettling and simultaneously remarkable feeling of recognizing my own spiritual immaturity. I have been humbled many times at my sheer ineptitude to comprehend the meaning of what I profess to believe. And I do believe it. Christ is my Lord. I'm just not very great at following him all the time yet. This reaction was only accentuated by the reading of some words from Oswald Chambers' devotional book "My Utmost for His Highest". I found them in the daily reading for May 20th, and I will get to it later on.
In reflecting upon some recent conclusions, that my spiritual maturity is considerably less developed then my once perceived spiritual maturity, I immediately though of the biblical motif of the sheep and shepherd. I think about how many times I have heard the passages about sheep and shepherds felt it it was soft. How can I relate to a sheep? I know that God provides but it just seemed so pithy and sad to acknowledge that, in relation to God, I could be like a dumb little sheep.
Here's the first story I think of:
Luke 15: 1-7
The Parable of the Lost Sheep
Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
This story is about "sinners". This reminds me of a wonderful moment in one episode on the CBS TV show Blue Bloods. For those who do not have parents in their 60s who do not have cable, Blue Bloods is a show about a family full of NYPD Cops. The Irish Catholic family gathers regularly over Sunday for dinner, and they once blessed their food with this beautiful humble prayer: "God bless these sinners, as they eat their dinners." On one occasion at my own Sunday evening family dinner, my mother blessed our food with this prayer, to which my Yia Yia (Greek for Grandmother) said with surprise: "we're not sinners."
Now while my Yia Yia was not suggesting that we were all holy and blameless on our own (she was instead mentioning the Orthodox Christian distinction between sinner and saint, or believer), but nonetheless, the idea creates a pretty good example. We are all sinners. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"(Romans 3:23). We humans are like clueless lost sheep sometimes, and God is like a good shepherd, as describe in:
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd;
there is nothing I lack.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He renews my life;
He leads me along the right paths
for His name’s sake.
Even when I go through the darkest valley,
I fear no danger,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
as long as I live.
Like a sheep, sometimes we are lost. Sometimes we get ourselves into trouble. We don't always know which way to go on our own. Unlike sheep though, sometimes we think we've got it covered on our own, or find it essential to worry about every tiny detail about our lives and the perception of our lives. Some of my previous posts about my thoughts, and the fact that I have control of them, lead me to realize a misconception I had about faith, and it's relationship to the way that I feel at any given moment. Oswald Chambers really hit the nail on the head in his devotional passage for May 20th. Please take a moment to read (as found on utmost.org):
Taking Possession of Our Own Soul
When a person is born again, there is a period of time when he does not have the same vitality in his thinking or reasoning that he previously had. We must learn to express this new life within us, which comes by forming the mind of Christ (see Philippians 2:5). Luke 21:19 means that we take possession of our souls through patience. But many of us prefer to stay at the entrance to the Christian life, instead of going on to create and build our soul in accordance with the new life God has placed within us. We fail because we are ignorant of the way God has made us, and we blame things on the devil that are actually the result of our own undisciplined natures. Just think what we could be when we are awakened to the truth!
There are certain things in life that we need not pray about— moods, for instance. We will never get rid of moodiness by praying, but we will by kicking it out of our lives. Moods nearly always are rooted in some physical circumstance, not in our true inner self. It is a continual struggle not to listen to the moods which arise as a result of our physical condition, but we must never submit to them for a second. We have to pick ourselves up by the back of the neck and shake ourselves; then we will find that we can do what we believed we were unable to do. The problem that most of us are cursed with is simply that we won’t. The Christian life is one of spiritual courage and determination lived out in our flesh.
Oswald Chambers seems to always write with these kinds of pointed words. I found them very humbling, bringing to mind the image of me as a sheep, even a scared and lost sheep. In my thinking I felt like something was wrong with me that I wasn't feeling renewed in my mind. Blaming negative thoughts on the devil when my mind is my responsibility is ignorance of the way God made me. My moods are not his responsibility.
The idea that I "need not pray about" my moods, is something I never thought. It makes sense though. If King David could think of himself as a sheep compared to God. If I believe David's sentiment in Psalm 23, I can trust that the Lord is looking out for my good. For
Even when I go through the darkest valley,
I fear no danger,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
as long as I live.
Maybe that's redundant to quote that again, but I think if it more as mantra. I am declaring now that I am a sheep. God is my Good Shepherd and I will trust his provisions. Worry is only choking away at my life. As a sheep I open my ears to hear the voice my my Lord and Good Shepherd. I will watch for Him as He watches out for me.
Once again this is not about discipline in the legalistic sense. The Good Shepherd doesn't scold the sheep for running off. He doesn't berate them for not finding the green pastures and quiet waters on their own. I need not worry about looking for them. Instead my discipline is in the orientation of my ears and eyes. I must look and listen for my God. I must see to be in relationship with him, reading his word, and living life alive and aware of how the Spirit of God in me could bring forth His Kingdom.
Fruitful Christian life is stalled if we worry about the world. If we worry about our place, our moods, our feelings, even if we worry about how fruitful we are being, we are standing there "at the entrance to the Christian life, instead of going
on to create and build our soul in accordance with the new life God has
placed within us."
To be a fruitful branch let us keep are ears perked a like a faithful sheep in the flock, and listen and follow our good shepherd to the places he leads, for his leadership is true and his guidance is for our own good. If He is leading you through the steep hills, press on there's greener pastures ahead. If you are within the constraints of the pen, sit still; He will call you out when the time is right. If he is offering you a drink, take it. If you are resting in the soft green grasses, don't hesitate to get up and go when he calls, and if you see a freaking butterfly don't stray too far off course. Though if you do stray off course, or fear that you have, remember:
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